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Posts tagged ‘Grief’

Drowning in Stuff…

best things

I’ve been struggling lately with stuff.  Literally, stuff.  I have entirely too much stuff.

I’ve probably always had too much stuff, but never really felt like it was overwhelming, or taking over my life in any way.  Afterall, I LOVE stuff.  The kind of stuff I’m referring to includes knick-knacks, books, old toys, papers, art work, kitchen stuff, antique kitchen stuff.  I mean you name it, I probably got it.

The straw that broke the camel’s back though was when I started losing loved ones and began receiving things that belonged to them.  I lost six family members in a two year span a few years back, one of those losses being my Mom.

It was such a hard time on so many levels dealing with everything that happened during that period.  After someone dies, their things must be dealt with – like it or not.  My guest room has slowly become more of a storage room of sorts with things stacked solidly in the closet and other things shoved under the bed and even more things billowing out onto the floor stacked up against the wall.

I seriously panicked after watching a few episodes of Hoarders on A&E because my guest room was looking eerily similar to those horrid heaps and mounds of things stacked upon things that this show portrays.  Every now and then we’d have company come stay and I would cram and pack and make it look presentable but somehow, after the guests left, more stuff would make it’s way into that room.

We’ve recently done a little bit of remodeling to our kitchen/utility and as I’m putting everything back together, I’m also realizing it’s time to let go.

I just ran across the best essay on this subject over at theminimalists.comThis essay really puts all this into perspective for me and has helped me to realize that all of these things are simply that, just things.  It’s ok to let go of someone else’s things.  Even if you know for a fact that they loved a certain item, it doesn’t mean that you have to love that item, and it certainly doesn’t mean that, if you let that item go, you love the departed any less, or are dishonoring them or their memory somehow.

I’ll definitely keep some cherished items, but just a few will suffice.  Another great tip I read somewhere (can’t remember where) is to take pictures of sentimental items before letting them go.  It’s just as fun to look at the picture and go back to that moment in time…that moment when your Mom bought that cool Christmas Village display and couldn’t wait to get home and put it all together for you.  What a great Christmas that was, and, of course, what a great Mom she was.

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Sweet Dreams are Made of This…

I went on an awesome trip last night with my Mom and my 3-year old daughter.  We had a blast!  We were laughing and giggling and my daughter was saying the cutest, sweetest things – exactly how 3-year old’s do.  In fact, it seems like I haven’t had that good of a time in quite a while.  It was the best feeling in the world being around them.

And then I woke up.  I actually think I woke up still smiling!  They say we dream every night but we only remember a handful of the dreams we have.  Thank goodness I was able to remember that one!

I haven’t been able to see or talk to my Mom in almost 5 years.  She was killed in a car accident on May 7, 2009.  I think about her all the time.  My sad times come in spurts and I’ve been going through a really hard one lately.  I miss her terribly still and I always will.

My daughter is now 9 and going on probably about 13 I’d say.  She’s changed so much this year.  I knew this was going to happen someday, but I always put it in the back of my mind.  Afterall, as I always used to tell everybody, she’s sweeter than I ever was and I’ve always felt so blessed to have such a sweet daughter.  And how awful could the pre-teens and teens be with such a sweet girl?!

But as I should’ve known, things always change.  The sweetness is still there, but I don’t see it nearly as often as I’d like.  Nowadays, I tend to see more attitude, more irritability, and more sassiness.  You know, all those lovely attributes of an adolescent girl.

I’m missing my sweet daughter, the one who used to love to run errands with me and kept me such great company, the one who used to call out “Mamaaaa” at least 10 times a day when she needed to ask me for help or to come see what she was doing, the one who would reach out for my hand when we were in a store or crossing the street, the one who would give me the bestest, tightest hugs in the world.

If I could only see my Mom for one more day, I would tell her thank you so much for being my Mom!  I would also apologize to her for all the grief I must’ve caused her as I was growing up and trying to find my way in the world.  I would ask her how she grew that tough skin that is needed to be a Mom and how she seemed to handle everything so well, at least on the outside.  And I know exactly what she would tell me.  She would say “I know it’s hard, but I promise everything will be ok.”

Here they are, my vacation buddies from my dream last night.

Image

Thanks, Mom for being so awesome and coming to visit me in my dreams.

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