I went on an awesome trip last night with my Mom and my 3-year old daughter. We had a blast! We were laughing and giggling and my daughter was saying the cutest, sweetest things – exactly how 3-year old’s do. In fact, it seems like I haven’t had that good of a time in quite a while. It was the best feeling in the world being around them.
And then I woke up. I actually think I woke up still smiling! They say we dream every night but we only remember a handful of the dreams we have. Thank goodness I was able to remember that one!
I haven’t been able to see or talk to my Mom in almost 5 years. She was killed in a car accident on May 7, 2009. I think about her all the time. My sad times come in spurts and I’ve been going through a really hard one lately. I miss her terribly still and I always will.
My daughter is now 9 and going on probably about 13 I’d say. She’s changed so much this year. I knew this was going to happen someday, but I always put it in the back of my mind. Afterall, as I always used to tell everybody, she’s sweeter than I ever was and I’ve always felt so blessed to have such a sweet daughter. And how awful could the pre-teens and teens be with such a sweet girl?!
But as I should’ve known, things always change. The sweetness is still there, but I don’t see it nearly as often as I’d like. Nowadays, I tend to see more attitude, more irritability, and more sassiness. You know, all those lovely attributes of an adolescent girl.
I’m missing my sweet daughter, the one who used to love to run errands with me and kept me such great company, the one who used to call out “Mamaaaa” at least 10 times a day when she needed to ask me for help or to come see what she was doing, the one who would reach out for my hand when we were in a store or crossing the street, the one who would give me the bestest, tightest hugs in the world.
If I could only see my Mom for one more day, I would tell her thank you so much for being my Mom! I would also apologize to her for all the grief I must’ve caused her as I was growing up and trying to find my way in the world. I would ask her how she grew that tough skin that is needed to be a Mom and how she seemed to handle everything so well, at least on the outside. And I know exactly what she would tell me. She would say “I know it’s hard, but I promise everything will be ok.”
Here they are, my vacation buddies from my dream last night.
Thanks, Mom for being so awesome and coming to visit me in my dreams.